This is why I became theorist. I had to stay the hell out of the lab.
Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass: Check this shit out (Fig. 1). That's bonafide, 100%-real data, my friends. I took it myself over the course of two weeks. And this was not a leisurely two weeks, either; I busted my ass day and night in order to provide you with nothing but the best data possible. Now, let's look a bit more closely at this data, remembering that it is absolutely first-rate. Do you see the exponential dependence? I sure don't. I see a bunch of crap.
Christ, this was such a waste of my time.
Banking on my hopes that whoever grades this will just look at the pictures, I drew an exponential through my noise. I believe the apparent legitimacy is enhanced by the fact that I used a complicated computer program to make the fit. I understand this is the same process by which the top quark was discovered.
It also like to point out that this is the authentic voice of the experimenter, sharply to be distinguished from the obnoxious absurd pompous tone adopted by most writers of fake lab reports. (Courtesy Electrolite.)
A followup to last year's flaming grape observations: Jason Barnes has refined the procedure somewhat and managed to produce not just sparks but a coherent glowing ball of plasma from the sliced grapes. I never managed to get it to this point because I suck in the lab.