Category : ROTFL

2004 October 21

Yankees at the Bat

Bwahaha. Peter David rocks

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Red Sox fans that day
The series, three to zip, with surely one game left to play.
For the Yankees were their daddy, and the Red Sox Nation wept
At the prospect of their team being ignominiously swept

A faithful few would hold up hope, but certainly the rest
Had given up the hope that sprung eternal in their breast.
“If only Lady History could be made into our bitch
If we could turn the tables on the Yankees for a switch.”

2004 March 19

Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass

This is why I became theorist. I had to stay the hell out of the lab.

Electron Band Structure In Germanium, My Ass: Check this shit out (Fig. 1). That's bonafide, 100%-real data, my friends. I took it myself over the course of two weeks. And this was not a leisurely two weeks, either; I busted my ass day and night in order to provide you with nothing but the best data possible. Now, let's look a bit more closely at this data, remembering that it is absolutely first-rate. Do you see the exponential dependence? I sure don't. I see a bunch of crap.

Christ, this was such a waste of my time.

Banking on my hopes that whoever grades this will just look at the pictures, I drew an exponential through my noise. I believe the apparent legitimacy is enhanced by the fact that I used a complicated computer program to make the fit. I understand this is the same process by which the top quark was discovered.

It also like to point out that this is the authentic voice of the experimenter, sharply to be distinguished from the obnoxious absurd pompous tone adopted by most writers of fake lab reports. (Courtesy Electrolite.)

A followup to last year's flaming grape observations: Jason Barnes has refined the procedure somewhat and managed to produce not just sparks but a coherent glowing ball of plasma from the sliced grapes. I never managed to get it to this point because I suck in the lab.

2004 March 2

The Operatic Tragedy of Super Mario

You must go watch this now, or else in three years when someone says (and they will): "Shit, that's almost as good as The Operatic Tragedy of Super Mario!"; and someone else replies: "Oh, fuck, yeah, that was genius"; and a third person says in an Italian accent: "Luigi, my brother, I mourned you too long. Koopa will pay for this day!" and everyone starts laughing -- when all of that happens (and it will), you won't know what they're talking about unless you watch these:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

It'll be like not having seen The Terrible Secret of Space.

Via d/blog, via MeFi.

2004 March 1

Dong Resin rates The Jesus Movie 'A+' for Prank Potential

Now even more Jesusier: Jesusfish Gal : "And what was so great? What was the best part of the movie for you?"

dong resin : "Well, the best part was when they tore up Jesus."

Jesusfish Gal : "..........."

dong resin : "They totally wale on that motherfucker!"

Terse Jesusfish Gal : "Thank you."

dong resin : "Thank you!"

See also King of the Spews.

2003 November 30

real fuckin' punk gaming

oh, sweet jesus, I'm dyin' laughing. kill puppies for satan:

don't try to tempt people to sin. it's a union thing, and believe me you don't want to scab on demons. just kill puppies and leave the rest to the professionals.

if you can't begin to guess what i might be talking about -- okay, it's game rules -- you may well not find it as funny as i do.