Barking at shovels

Motivational speaking

Joey deVilla makes some prose beg for mercy. Bastard prose. It deserved it.

Bring it on: The other thing to keep in mind is that life, as The Stranglers song goes, shows no mercy. Sooner or later, you're going to be sitting in the back of the Metaphorical Pickup Truck of Life and realize that there's a guy in a Pikachu costume smoking crystal meth in the driver's seat. His foot is jammed hard on the accelerator pedal, he's drenched in sweat, he has the look of death in his soulless eyes, he's slashing his own leg with a stilletto knife and screaming "PAIN WILL BRING ME CLOSER TO FATHER!"

Lesser people -- those who can only thrive when the cards are dealt in their favour -- will curl up in a ball and wait for the truck to eventually go off a cliff or slam into a bus of orphans and puppies and explode John Woo-style.

Those who know that winning isn't in the cards you're dealt, but how you play them, would hop over the cab and onto the hood, Indiana Jones/T.J. Hooker style, smash through the windshield, pummel the driver into submission and bring the vehicle to a complete stop. And then take everyone out for ice cream afterwards.

I hope to be one of those people.

This is his way of putting a really bad date into perspective.

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